I'm wiped out this week. I think I do too much and then when I get sick, I still do too much and do not recover as quickly (i.e. immediately) as I would like. My kids are driving me crazy with their constant need for food, attention and air. I've almost hit "googling mental health clinics in my area" status. I have talked to other moms at the gym this week and I feel that alot of us are in the same boat. Summer camps are winding down, back to school shopping posters are bombarding us, and soon, I will be gently scrolling through everybody's "BACK TO SCHOOL PHOTO 2017-18" on Facebook. But this last week has been the hardest for me, of the entire summer.
I have been recovering from a sinus infection and been taking antibiotics for a few days, so pushing myself at the gym has not been giving me the usual satisfaction of mental and physical strengthening and energy. At first, I thought it was just that I was weak from having a few days off last week and just needed to get back to it. But after day 3, I walked out of the gym exhausted. Not the good, sweaty way, but the "I am going to have to bribe my kids so I can take a nap" way.
What in heaven's name is wrong with me? After talking myself down from probably not having pneumonia, I have been wracking my brain about my fatigue. I never get this tired. I am no doctor, but needing to figure this out is crucial for me to get back to my powerhouse woman. So I started asking myself all the basics:
Am I dehydrated? Don't think so.
Have I been eating alot of junk food lately? A bit, but nothing over the top.
Have I been sleeping well? Pretty much 8 hours a night at 80%+ quality.
Have I been consistently been going to the bathroom, regularly? Yes.
Have I missed a period? Oh God NO.
So what's the deal? My prognosis: I just need a break. A mental, physical and emotional break from the stressors of my day-to-day, summer break, 3 kids at home, entrepreneurial spirited, business developing, muscle developing, plan-every-second-of-the-day, provide and clean up 3 meals a day for 5 people- life.
I'm not talking lay on a beach break (although I wouldn't pass that opportunity up for anything...), or a lay around my house doing laundry, yelling at my kids in my PJ's- kind of break. I think I just need to recharge my batteries by scheduling some ALONE time for an hour or two. When my husband came home from work the other night and pretty much instructed me to go out of the house by myself for a few hours, I just about ran out the door with only the clothes on my back, until I realized I should probably take my purse and keys, I mean, how am I supposed to overspend on hand cream at Target without my wallet?
When I came home, my husband asked where I had been all this time. I replied "Target." He said, "Yes, but where else? You've been gone for almost 2 hours". My reply "Target."
It was a magically free time. I was walking up and down the aisle, reading labels, imagining what my dining room table would look like with this new table runner, and picking out tasty treats that were just for me. Coming home from those two hours was great, I was relaxed and felt better about being stressed out from the day. It was what I needed to take a mental step back from my day.
So what can we do to keep ourselves from losing it? I still have two more full weeks (alone) with my kids at home and then the boys go back and shortly after that my daughter will begin preschool. But until then:
- I have started talking through my emotions with friends and have really tried to pinpoint what triggers my negative reactions to my kid's behavior. (other than their constant lack of awareness and their dependence on their chef, maid and uber driver) This does not mean I get to sit and complain or "woe-is-me" about it. This means I truly derive why I am feeling the emotions and what I can to do to shift my mindset in a positive direction.
- Remembering to love myself and accept the anger/unhappy/unrestful feelings that might come up for me and moving forward passed them, has really help fill me with a sense of relief and confidence.
- I am physically going to take a break from working out until my body has fully recovered from the infection and allow myself to rest fully until I am completely healed and rested. This is the most challenging one.
- Schedule some me time. Everyone has their own desires and ways to recharge. Some of mine include, being alone, watching crime shows, reading books, napping, eating healthy foods (alone) and restful meditations that include listening to the rain fall.
Sometimes I have to sit back and remember that even though I'm an adult, it's my summer too! It's ok if I let the day go by and enjoy the sunshine or the couch. And if all of that fails, there is always Xanax.
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